Never Been in Love
by StatsGrandma57
Summary: What if Han had never really been in love before? Girlfriends, yes. In love, no. One shot.


NEVER BEEN IN LOVE

(Han)

I've flown from one of this galaxy to another, seen a lot of crazy stuff. But the experience I just had was one I never even imagined - or that it would do a number on me like it did just now.

I danced with a princess. Literally a princess.

I asked her why she wasn't dancing. She seemed embarrassed to tell me that she didn't know how to, seeing as her porcelain white skin deepened to crimson. I found that surprising, but I figured that maybe I could help her along with that. I make no claims for being the galaxy's greatest hoofer, but I've danced with a number of girls and none of them ever complained. Well, not about my dancing. Other things, well, different story.

I've always appreciated the female of the species, but have I ever been in love with one? I can answer that with one word: no. Liked their company, had a lot of laughs, even some great sex, but the time to move on always arrived, and it never took all that long. My life was complicated enough without getting serious in that department. I'd been looking out for myself all my life and that was a full time job.

There might have been one or two that mentioned something related to fear of commitment.

How did I get where I am? Pretty much the way I always have: being in debt and needing some fast cash. It was supposed to be a nice simple transport: a bizarre old man, a whiny farmboy, and two droids, one of whom was possibly the most annoying droid I'd ever stumbled across. There was the 'no questions asked' part, but they offered me seventy percent over what I was gonna charge 'em. How was I gonna say no? I kinda like the idea of my head attached to the rest of me and a some walking around credits in my pockets.

All was going fine till we were coming up on Alderaan, their destination. There was a problem, though: the planet had been blasted into space dust, we were sucked in by a tractor beam, the little droid informed us that there was a princess in custody and the crazy, naive farmboy convinced me to help him out. I was seriously wondering just how much trouble I'd bought by accepting this job.

That became clear once she'd ordered us into the trash chute. I couldn't say whether I wanted to kill her or was beginning to like her. By the time we got to the _Falcon, _I had my answer but didn't want to believe it. I asked Luke if he thought a princess and a guy like me. He said no, way too fast. I liked that.

I got my reward, something extra too, and took off to pay Jabba the Hutt, but somewhere along the way, I started worrying, and for something completely different, it wasn't about myself. No, I got worried that there was no way in hells that Luke was gonna be able to handle this on his own. I was watching the Rogues, and what was sad was that a lot of it was the worst instance of amateur hour I'd seen in forever.

I had no love for the Empire, and I was agnostic towards the Rebellion. I was having enough trouble keeping bounty hunters and gangsters off my tail and I didn't have time for politics. But I wasn't about to let the kid get slaughtered like so many of his pals did that day.

And, if the Rebels lost, it hit me: I'd never see Leia again.

I couldn't stand the thought of that. It hit me like a giant Corellian ship in the guts.

How I felt about her was...different.

I HAD to see her, be with her. I would close my eyes and see into the future, and she was there. I would think of her and I'd be overcome with feelings that I'd never experienced before. It was far beyond a rush of sexuality, although there's no doubt that played into it. It was this feeling of...being bonded to her. I wanted to protect her, keep her safe, know her secrets. I wanted to know what she liked to eat, what games she liked to play, what her favorite color was, what sports did she enjoy. How her hair looked loose, what she looked like in something other than white as well as wearing nothing at all.

I how it felt when she hugged me in the trash compactor and again when Luke came back victorious. I wanted her to do it again. And again.

When we danced, I drank in her scent, felt the touch of her soft hands, so small in mine. She was so tiny, so beautiful, so incredibly perfect. We moved well together. And I was treated to one of her rare smiles. What I wouldn't do to see that smile again.

I'd never been in love, so I wasn't sure how it was supposed to feel. But this is so different from anything I've ever experienced. It's both terrifying and exhilarating.

I think this could be love.


End file.
